The Gryffindor Robbers
by Aaaaaimbot
Summary: A time of turbulence starts with Harry embarking on his fifth year at Hogwarts. Voldemort, the Dark Lord, is back... or is he not? However, this is about a bunch of Hogwarts newcomers who have just begun their magical career! Will they survive the terror brought upon them by Lord Voldemort, his Death Eaters and the Ministry of Magic? We'll see...


Welcome to the adventures of the Gryffindor Robbers! It's Harry's fifth Hogwarts year and we're gonna look at the events of this turbulent year from the view of a bunch of Hogwarts newcomers. All rights to the Harry Potter series, characters, places etc. are with J. . This fanfic is based upon volume 5 of the Harry Potter saga, "The Order of the Phoenix". Some ideas in this story were inspired by Tara Gilesbie and her great "My Immortal" fanfic, some other inspirations were drawn by works of German fanfic author Coldmirror. Of course this fanfic is not a rip-off of their works though. OC/OOC/ANC. Have fun reading and reviewing, and I'll gladly use and incorporate any suggestions for future chapters' plots! This is Amy signing off and finishing her annoying author's note that nobody is ever gonna read anyway, now let's get to the story itself!

_1. Unwelcome in Hogwarts_

One day Wolf, Big Bear, Ryu and Tacitus wanted to go on a robbery. When they were on the train the next day, Ryu just took money from other pupils. Indeed it was the day when the four "robbers" were gonna get acquainted with their new school, so they were on board of Hogwarts Express which was chock-full with newcomers. But when Ryu was just trying to rob from Martius, he was noticed by Senator Antius who called: "Hey, whaddaya doing, little 'un? Wanted to steal somethin', huh?" While Ryu was still trying to make excuses, Senator Antius had already called for a train guard who came running toward Ryu. He spoke: "It's your first day at Hogwarts and you're behaving like a little rascal already? You ain't gonna do that again, little git!" Ryu countered: "Bah, so what? I'm a robber, I can steal what I want to steal!" But he noticed one of the older man's eyes was a radiating blue, glaring at him in a dangerous way. He announced: "Git, if my bionic eye catches you trying to steal from someone again, you're a dead boy!" while leaving the compartment.

Ryu asked Tacitus what he thought of the unknown man. Tacitus asserted: "Well I don't think you should mess with him... I mean, who would wield such a strange radiating eye?" Suddenly the door opened. An older pupil entered and spoke: "Oh, so you're new around here? You don't know about Professor Moody? He's got a magical implant that allows him to see through walls, and he also was last year's Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Oh yeah, and by the way, he and Barty Crouch are the same person." Tacitus was really confused now, so he asked: "Huh? Defence against the Dark Arts, is that a school subject or what? Where we come from there was a subject called Arcane Arts, maybe that's similar? And who the hell is Barty Crouch, are we supposed to know about him?"

The boy started to explain: "Okay, so you don't know jack squat yet. So I'm gonna introduce myself. I'm Oliver Wood, captain of Gryffindor Quidditch team, and since I just know you're about to ask what Quidditch is, I'm gonna explain that to you, too. Quidditch is Hogwarts' national sports, maybe a little bit comparable to that 'soccer' thing you might know from the muggle world. And I'm also the proprietor of my store called Wood's Super Duper Mart! Ha ha ha! Remember, at Wood's Super Duper Mart you can buy all your Quidditch accesories that you're ever gonna need, and beware my arch-rival Marcus Flint from Slytherin who runs a store called Flint's Mega Nega Store!" Meanwhile all the robbers were utterly confused though, not understanding a single bit of what Oliver was trying to say. Wolf was groaning: "Can you please repeat all of this in plain English? I left my thesaurus at home!"

But Oliver was continuing his speech already: "Defence against the Dark Arts, or DADA as we're calling it, is a subject that has a new teacher every year. Some say the job is cursed. As I told you already it was Moody last year, but he got fired when it became obvious that he's actually Crouch the Death Eater. Now he's the toilet cleaner of Hogwarts but rumors say he's still trying to contact you-know-who. In the year before it was a werewolf but he got banished to Shireking Shack when he suddenly transformed right in the middle of a lesson. Three years ago we had - and don't you dare laugh - a guy called Gilderoy Fuckthart, he actually did the best lessons ever but that asinine Weasley put a memory charm on him, causing him to be treated in St. Mungos. Think about it, this Weasley guy is also trying to steal my position as a Quidditch team captain! Oh yeah, and one year prior to that our DADA teacher was Quirrel but he was a puppet of you-know-who, getting himself killed at the end of the year."

Now Tacitus spoke: "Okay, it's really nice of you to tell all of this to us, but we don't know about all that technical lingo. Anyway, I can already see that this school of 'magic' is gonna be fun and complicated." Big Bear agreed: "That's true, we didn't have a single lesson yet but we're being bombarded by words that might be coming right out of a fantasy novel!" Suddenly Big Bear's girlfriend Yvara appeared and spoke: "This is not a fantasy novel, this is reality! Don't you know yet that a Sorting Hat is waiting for you in Hogwarts, that ghosts are floating around there and that the girls' dormitory has a set of stairs that transforms into a slide if a boy is trying to get in?" Astonished, Big Bear answered: "Nope, I ain't got no clue, how do you know all of this? Did you spend all day reading some old doorstoppers about Hogwarts?" But Yvara said: "No, it's not that, but unlike you I'm talking to the pupils that are attending Hogwarts since years already! I was sitting with Cho in a compartment, you know, she's in Ravenclaw and it's her sixth year already! She explained a lot of stuff to me!"

Of course Big Bear didn't know either what Yvara was referring to with the term "Ravenclaw". Thus Yvara spoke: "Ravenclaw, or Griffe-Corbeau as it's called sometimes, is one out of four Hogwarts houses, and those houses are similar to the classes we used to have at our previous school! The other three are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin! As soon as we arrive at Hogwarts, everyone of us is assigned to one of those houses and I hope we're all gonna get the same one." Wolf interjected: "What? We're getting assigned? Uh, what's that shit about, anyway? Didn't they spend a thought on the fact that we don't want to go to different classes? Well, if I can't attend the same classes like you guys, I'm gonna complain with that stupid principal." But Yvara spoke: "The 'stupid principal' is called Fresh Dumbledore, he's the Wizengamot's archmage, third class Order of Merlin, supreme mugwump and a dozen of other titles, and you better not fool around in his presence! Once he even conjured magic that hammered you-know-who himself to the ground!"

Ryu called: "I can't really imagine anyone better at doing magic than that old hag Bralsa Andaren. I still remember what she used to do to us at our previous school... come on, drop it. Anyway, what's so special about hammering someone with magic if said someone has such a dim-witted name? I already cast some spell or another at Faster-Than-All-Others and nobody decorated me with a medal for it!" Indeed Faster-Than-All-Others was another one of the pupils who used to attend the same school with the "robbers" and who were going to move to Hogwarts now. But Yvara stated: "You simpleton! You-know-who isn't his true name of course! Nobody dares to spell his true name! Just so you know: You-know-who is the fiercest dark mage to ever stalk the world, and his greatest wish is to annihilate Hogwarts and all of its pupils so he can truly become world's mightiest mage!" Big Bear murmured: "Oh, darn. It's a great pity he didn't succeed in doing so because if Hogwarts wouldn't exist anymore, we could have stayed at our old school, everything was just fine over there..."

Suddenly the train stopped, and a loudspeaker sounded an announcement: "My dear passengers, we're arriving at Hogwarts main station now! The exit is to the right of the train's direction. Attention, security advice: don't leave your luggage unattended! Your connections are bus line 666 to Hogwarts castle as well as bus line 313 to Hogsmeade. We hereby remind you of the fact that the day after tomorrow there will be a concert of Good Charlotte at Hogsmeade! Partipicants have the chance to win two tickets for the great Evanescence concert at Durmstrang boarding school! Thank you for traveling with Hogwarts Express!"

The robbers were confused by the announcement but quickly tried to exit the train. When Ryu was about to exit as the last one of the robbers, he noticed a fight in the next compartment between a dark-haired, glasses-wearing boy and a blond boy. Curious as he was, Ryu opened the compartment door trying to see what was up when the blonde called: "Levicorpus!" Suddenly the glasses-wearing one was floating upside down in the air, and the blonde was giggling: "Ha ha ha Potter, your magic skills are pitiful! This year you're gonna spend a lot of time at Pomfreys, I'm sure about that. Bwarharharharharharhar!" Then he wanted to get on his way but bumped into Ryu, cursing: "Who the hell are you, little rascal?" Ryu looked over his counterpart who was at least one head taller than him, seeming very athletic and muscular too, but he spoke: "I'm one of the new pupils around here, and my aim is to improve my spellcasting abilites!" There the blond boy countered: "You better hope you're gonna learn dark magic, the one and only true school of magic! And you'd better hope you ain't no ****** mudblood either, little one! 'Cause I am Draco Malfoy, and my kin is gonna remove all muggleborn wizards from this world! We're gonna help the Dark Lord return to power, too! So, you wanna be friends with me?"

For a while Ryu contemplated Draco's offer when suddenly his girlfriend Sabine tackled him from behind, dragging him out of the train. Then she spoke out loud so Draco could hear it as well: "Stay away from that guy, he's a slimy muggle-hater!" Ryu was confused since he didn't know what a muggle was, but when he was trying to answer, Sabine ran off, dragging Ryu along against his will. Only when Draco was out of range she stopped, and Ryu said: "Well, I don't know what a muggle is, and I don't think Draco's opinions are all that bad..." But Sabine explained: "A fourth-year girl called Ginny told me that this Draco guy is in Slytherin, he and his thugs Crabbe and Goyle are trying to bully every non-Slytherin. I know you're a robber who likes to mess around but this Draco guy is a lot more mean than that! I mean, he seems to be a sadist who likes to torture people just for fun! If you want me to still be your girlfriend by tomorrow, you're gonna stay far away from that mean bastard, do you hear me?" Since Ryu didn't want to lose his girlfriend, he agreed.

However, they still needed to get to Hogwarts, and when they had finally made it to the bus stop, the bus drove off right in front of their noses. There was also Katzou, another new pupil, who had just missed the bus and groaned: "That's typical, I'm just such an unlucky fellow. The bus is big enough for one hundred people and guess what? I'm number one-hundred-and-one." Quickly Sabine answered: "Well, so we're gonna have to walk. Let's go, Ryu." This was because she knew that Katzou was incredibly talkative, unable to keep his mouth shut for a single minute if anyone was in his listening range. So she started to run quickly, trying to make Ryu come along. Ryu moaned: "Don't you think the castle is miles away from here? Don't we rather wait for the bus to come back so we can drive there?" But Katzou spoke: "Just as I missed the bus, Denshi Gasu told me it takes about half an hour if you walk on foot." Nonetheless Ryu wanted to wait for the bus. He speculated: "It's gonna drive up there in five minutes, so it's gonna be back in five minutes! We just have to wait for ten minutes now, that's not a long time now, is it?"

Suddenly Sabine tackled him again, dragging Ryu up the path despite Ryu having no intention to walk. Even though she was wearing high-heeled sandals, Sabine was running at an insane speed because she absolutely wanted to leave Katzou behind. Only after three mniutes she allowed Ryu to take a little rest. Ryu wanted to complain but Sabine clarified: "It won't work that way! As soon as the bus is back it will wait for its one hundred places to fill, and only then will it drive off! Do you want to sit in the bus for half an hour waiting for it to finally drive off, considering today's hot weather? I don't think so. And I certainly don't want this Katzou to make my ears bleed, so hurry up lest he's gonna catch up again!" Ryu was convinced and increased his running speed.

They were running for a long time when suddenly Faster-Than-All-Others raced past them, calling: "See you in Hogwarts, ha ha ha!" Ryu was groaning because he started to feel tired, and the fact that Faster-Than-All-Others was able to run much faster than he could was demoralizing him even more. But Sabine was pressing him so Ryu couldn't just take a break, and much later they finally saw the castle's gate. Suddenly a big motorcycle bombed down past them, droning some loud music so Ryu and Sabine put their fingers into their ears. A little later a burly boy with stubbly blond hair dismounted the bike, looking so conceited that Ryu was about to vomit, and Ryu murmured: "That cocky Arno dude, listening to his unspeakable Eminem driving around on his prole bike..." Sabine objected: "Well I don't think Arno is really likable either, but I don't think Eminem's songs are sooooo bad! And you've got to admit that a Harley is a stylish vessel!"

At last they entered the castle. There were several long banks in the entrance hall with lots of pupils sitting and eating from full plates. Immediately Ryu looked for the other robbers, and when he had found them, he and Sabine sat next to them. Just as they had sat down, new plates and jars formed from thin air at their places. Ryu was surprised but Wolf, who was sitting next to him, explained: "That's probably part of the magic here. While I don't know much about magic, I think everyone is getting some random stuff to eat and drink here. I've got a doner kebab and an Erdinger beer brewed from wheat, ha ha ha! To your health!" Ryu took his jar to clink with Wolf, speaking: "To your health, and our imminent raids as well as our future as a master wizard!" He noticed his jar was filled with Bitter Lemon while there was a portion of gyros with french fries on his plate. Instantly Ryu started to quench his hunger and thirst.

Sabine moaned: "Don't you want to switch with me? They gave rice pudding and low fat curd cheese to me, and I don't like the taste of white rum either!" Ryu admitted that Sabine had really been out of luck, so he allowed her to eat something from his plate as well. The hall was filling up with more and more pupils, and when everyone was there at last, a loud gong sounded. Afterwards an old man with a big bushy beard and a purple mage robe spoke: "Ey yo you ****** kids, you stink like cow shits! Ey yo, you're on a new year in Hogwarts, that's crass ey, or you're new around here, I'll have to empty my glass ey! Assignments to your houses are done by old McGonagall, her voice really sounds like thunderhall!" Ryu was murmuring: "That dude is talking just like Pokoh, is he serious about that?" Wolf answered: "Yeah really, Pokoh used to annoy us at our old school with that stupid "ey yo ey" blabber too, so now there are two such guys already? Just great."

But Yvara, sitting opposite of Wolf, called: "Quiet! That's the real Fresh Dumbledore, he's our principal! I'd never have thought to really get to see him in person but he's one of the mightiest wizards ever, even though he doesn't seem like it!" Now an old woman with a wrinkly face came forward who had used to stand next to Dumbledore all the time, speaking: "Good morning, dear little children. I'm Professor Minerva McGonagall, your deputy headmaster. The new pupils of this year are going to be assigned to their houses very soon but I need to do some business first..." Then she left behind a door, and a little while later strange noises were broadcast into the great hall by a microphone. Wolf exclaimed: "Eeeeew, she's on the toilet and we got to listen in to it!" Frightened, Ryu choked on a hunk of meat so Sabine had to tap his back, then he snapped at Wolf: "Great, did you have to say that out loud? Now the image is gonna stay in my head!"

Finally McGonagall entered the hall again and repeated: "You're going to be assigned to your houses very soon, using this stinking old hat." She was pointing at a chair that showed an old black hat with golden ornaments. McGonagall announced: "Everyone of you is gonna put on the hat which will decide which house you belong to. I'm not gonna call you alphabetically; rather, I'm gonna pick you at random. Yvara Walter!" Ryu took a look at Yvara who was sitting diagonally adjacent to him, and she whispered: "Wish me luck!" Ryu, Wolf and Big Bear kept their fingers crossed while Yvara walked up to sit on the chair. The hat put itself over her head, speaking a little while later: "Gryffindor!" The Gryffindor table was clapping their hands while Yvara walked back to Big Bear.

Next the headmistress called: "Pete Schwiedelhole!" A full-figured pupil walked up front, the hat instantly deciding to put him in Gryffindor. Subsequently McGonagall called: "Isolde Imprisoned!" The pupils were looking magnetized at the strong girl staggering to the hat in her brown high-heeled combat boots. The hat exclaimed: "Ravenclaw!" Instantly Isolde was overwhelmed with furious applause from all the Ravenclaw pupils. The next cue read: "Faster-Than-All-Others Picketstag!" There was laughter to be heard in the hall coming especially from Gryffindor table when suddenly the hat shouted out loud: "SLYTHERIN!" Wolf whispered to Ryu: "Everyone who's up to no good lands in Slytherin, and everyone in Slytherin is evil." Ryu saw Faster-Than-All-Others sitting down two places from Draco Malfoy and thought to himself: "That definitely doesn't bode well..."

Now a certain Lumia Livenoth got called, and when she had put on the hat, it spoke: "Unimportant side characters and background actors get put in Hufflepuff!" A droning of boos and jeers instantly sounded in the hall. After some time it was finally Wolf's turn, and while rising from his seat he spoke to the robbers: "Well, if I can't be in Gryffindor I will complain until they put me there." Meanwhile Big Bear, Tacitus and his girlfriend JoJo had been put to Gryffindor as well, but when Wolf put on the hat it instantly decided that Wolf would be a Gryffindor too. Ryu and Sabine were the only ones that still needed to tremble nervously because they absolutely wanted to be with their friends, but they still had not been called. Instead, McGonagall called someone by the name of Aee Dumas, and the hat seemed to think for quite some time until it decided for Slytherin.

The next pupil that got called went by the name of Roy Koopa, and he got sent to Hufflepuff with loud jeering coming from the other houses. Subsequently McGonagall called Siegfried Koopa who got to join his brother Roy, as was to be expected, and Yvara giggled: "Ha ha ha, those tiger tamers. They may actually try to tame true dragons in this magical world... hehehe!" It was rumored that Siegfried and Roy had more siblings but obviously they had not made it to Hogwarts. Big Bear whispered: "Quiet! It can't be long until it's Ryu's turn, and I really hope he's gonna be with us too!"

Next Elli Karma landed in Ravenclaw, Marc Sieben was assigned to Hufflepuff and Sandrina Emperor became a Slytherin, but at last Ryu got called. Anxiety was in his eyes when he spoke to Sabine: "I hope it's gonna be Gryffindor...", then he walked to the hat. Hesitatingly he sat down on the chair when the hat put itself on his head, and suddenly Ryu could hear a loud voice: "Err... Dude, that's really gonna be difficult." Frightened Ryu jumped up but Professor McGonagall made him sit down again, and it dawned on Ryu: the hat could have a talk with a pupil if his house affiliation wasn't clear. So Ryu listened to the hat talking: "Well, as a robber Gryffindor would fit to you, but a part of you is devious and wild, so maybe Slytherin would fit better..." Ryu murmured: "Please, not Slytherin, I don't belong there, all of them are evil! Please put me in Gryffindor!" Then he heard the hat speak: "...actually things would go well for you in Slytherin... okay, well: Gryffindor!" Ryu groaned: "Boah, that took a lattice from steel off my mind!" While listening to loud jubilations he quickly ran to Gryffindor table where all of his friends were sitting.

Now Professor McGonagall spoke: "Usually teaching in Hogwarts is done from 8 until 12 o'clock. Since it's half twelve now already though, the first day will have instruction from 12 until 16 o'clock, just like every year. Newcomers, please appear in room 304 for a lesson of Defence against the Dark Arts; you'll get your timetables there as well." Immediately all the new pupils stormed off to get the best places in the classroom; there were sixty pupils running to their new room even though they still had half an hour to get there. Ryu and Sabine secured some places in the second row noticing there were four groups of tables. Sabine assumed: "Chances are that every house has its own row of seats so pupils from one house can always sit next to each other!" And indeed as more and more pupils arrived, only robbers sat down in the group of tables that Ryu had chosen for himself and Sabine, and all the other groups of tables were occupied by pupils from one single house, respectively. Yvara already got out her book and started reading.

Big Bear asked her: "Where's that book from? I don't have it yet!" Tacitus agreed with him: "Yeah, all of us don't have it yet, I'm sure we'll get them here, in this lesson! Why do you already have a book?" Yvara held her book high, showing the title that was printed in big letters: "DARK ARTS AND HOW YOU DEFEND YOURSELF FROM THEM - a textbook for the lower grades." Then she spoke: "Well, while you were busy eating strawberry ice and earwax jelly beans in Diagon Alley, I've been to the library and got myself all the books for my first year." She pointed a finger at her dark-blue backpack that was filled to the brim with books. Big Bear asked: "Why do you want to learn that stuff in advance and pretend to be a teacher's pet? We're gonna learn all that stuff during our lessons anyway!" But Yvara explained: "We're in a very strange world here, and we don't know anything about it! I bet you still don't know that there's a magical green house with walking carnivorous plants? Or what's about the fact that Quidditch involves sitting on an airborne broom? Well, it's all in our books! If we don't want to appear like idiots in our first weeks, we're gonna have to improve our knowledge about the magical world!"

While the robbers were talking with their friends all the time, they didn't notice the beginning of the lesson drawing near. Soon it was twelve o'clock, and just as it rang, the door came up. The pupils watched magnetized as they wanted to know who their first lesson's teacher would be, but they met a sight that made the entire class burst into laughter. The female teacher was dressed all pink, wearing an angular hat, a skirt that was much too large for her as well as a deformed pair of shoes. Yvara giggled: "She obviously doesn't know that those clothes are out of vogue for fifty years already! Ha ha ha!" But when the teacher had taken her place at the desk, she cleared her throat loudly, instantly causing the class to become silent. Using an obviously artificial friendly beeping voice, she spoke: "Greetings, dear class. My name is Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge and it is my duty to instruct you in the Defence against the Dark Arts." Suddenly her voice became gruff while she continued: "You will address me as 'Professor Umbridge'. Always. If you want to say something, you have to raise your hand and wait for me to call you. And one more thing: I don't like cheeky and rebellious little children. Did I make myself clear?"

A murmur was audible in the classroom that sounded like "Yes.", but suddenly the teacher's voice became sharp and shrill: "What did I just tell you?" Instantly the pupils sounded "Yes, Professor Umbridge!", and she spoke: "That's better! As I told you already, you will learn the Defence against the Dark Arts in my lessons. Since you didn't have the mixed blessing of getting to know my predecessors, you'll surely understand that my teachings will be purely theoretical. I have no doubt you heard of the rumors that Lord Voldemort - many people like to call him 'you-know-who' - is supposed to be back, but you may never believe those lies. Lord Voldemort, world's most dangerous dark mage is dead since twenty-five years, and his followers, the so-called 'death eaters', are being guarded around the clock by dementors in Askaban. You certainly won't ever encounter any dark magic, thus it's more than sufficient if you just know the theory about Defence against the Dark Arts."

A delicate girl with long dark-blond hair spoke now: "Why are you so sure that you-know-who isn't back?" Professor Umbridge barked at her: "Miss Shol, first of all you have to raise your hand in my lesson if you want to say something, and secondly you will always adress me as 'Professor Umbridge'!" Sheepishly the girl countered: "Yes, Professor Umbridge. Sorry, Professor Umbridge." She clarified: "Lord Voldemort is NOT back, there are proofs for that! My chief, Highest Idiot of Magic Fudge, as well as his co-workers came to the conclusion that there haven't been any signs of Lord Voldemort's return in the past twenty-five years!" The pupils were laughing, and Ryu whispered to Sabine: "Hahaha, idiot of magic, is that his actual appellation? That's gotta be a crappy job!" But Umbridge cleared her throat yet again, making the pupils shut up instantly. Now she noticed that someone had raised their hand, so she spoke: "Miss Oro?" But the girl that she had called didn't say anything back. She was gesturing in sign language since she was mute. Umbridge answered: "Yes, Miss Oro, I understand you. Don't worry, I can assure you Hogwarts is a safe place." Now the pupils were curious to see what they would learn in their first lesson.

Now Umbridge announced: "Here's your timetables and textbooks! This book contains everything you're ever gonna need to know about Defense against the Dark Arts, and you're gonna read the first ten pages of it now." Some timetable sheets and books were flying to the pupils' tables by magic. First Ryu took a look at his timetable to see that on the current day there would also be History of Magic, Deviation and Arithmancy. Then he opened his book and started reading. But after Ryu had read a few pages, he raised his hand, and Umbridge called: "Yes, Mister Hayabusa?" Ryu spoke: "Professor Umbridge, where's the use in knowing theoretically how to deflect a shocking spell? If we don't practice that, we can't use it in a real combat situation!" But she countered with an annoyed voice: "If you do it just like the book describes it, it's going to work! And I can assure you that you won't encounter someone during your school career flinging that spell at you!"

But now the dark-blonde Ravenclaw girl spoke again: "Miss Umbridge, if by any chance we are forced to fight you-know-who or one of his goons, we won't necessarily be able to remember everything the book is -" But Umbridge cut her off: "Miss Shol, may I remind you that it's PROFESSOR Umbridge and you need to raise your hand before you're allowed to speak! And Lord Voldemort isn't back, so you stop discussing that theme now! If someone else would mention that lie -" Suddenly Ryu called: "Professor Umbridge, you have to admit that Miss Shol is right! If this Voldemort dude -", and he was surprised that all the pupils around him winced, "is back, the entire school is endangered and if we know how to defend ourselves, our chances of survival are better!" The Ravenclaw girl added to it: "Exactly! We must not hide from the menacing you-know-who, but we rather need to learn how to deflect his attacks and use counter-attacks on him!" With her head glowing red, Umbridge called: "That's enough! Detention! Both of you! You're gonna come to my office today in the afternoon at five past four, not a minute after!"

After the lesson was done, Ryu complained to his fellow robbers that he had to be kept in after school because of a bagatelle. Now there was a lesson of history that would take place in the basement with a certain Professor Cuthbert Binns according to the timetable, and suddenly the pupils started to run wildly. Ryu groaned: "Now don't tell me they're gonna continue that stupid tradition from our previous school that you always race to be the first one arriving at a new lesson?" But nobody was listening because the pupils were running frenziedly. So Ryu hurried up, but he got lost on the way and had to ask a teacher for directions. When Ryu had explained to him where he wanted to go, the teacher spoke: "Just follow me, I'm your teacher." With an amazed look Ryu asked: "Professor Binns?" He answered: "Yeah, that's me. I understand that a first-year pupil like you doesn't find the way. It has happened all the years before too, I'm this subject's teacher for fifty years now." Now Ryu was amazed even more because he still remembered the boring history lessons at his old school. He couldn't understand that a teacher would voluntarily teach a subject that boring for such a long space of time.

So Ryu was walking alongside Binns, but he suddenly just walked through the wall! When Ryu wanted to ask him about that, wondering why he couldn't pass by the wall himself too, he didn't receive an answer, so Ryu quickly tried to find another way. But he had to make a big detour to get to the other side of the wall, then he saw Binns running about a hundred meters in front of him. Quickly Ryu caught up to him again, asking: "What was that now, why can you walk through the wall? I didn't even know there was a passwall spell!" Binns answered: "Oh, sorry, I'd forgotten about that. My age makes me a bit oblivious, you know? That's not a spell but a special attribute of mine that I'm gonna demonstrate to the class now. This is the classroom. After you, please." Thus Ryu entered the room where all the other pupils had sat down already.

However, Senator Antius instantly approached him; he had been assigned to Slytherin house by the Sorting Hat, and Senator Antius spoke: "Ha ha, you're tha last un' ta get here, so I'll get 100 dollars from ya, loser! Ha ha!" Ryu groaned: "Damn, do you really want to continue doing it like this, forcing the last one to pay up with the first?" Senator Antius explained: "Yeah, an' there's more to it, too. Results of all tha races are in a chart an' fifteen first get points! T'was me to be first so I got fifty points fer Slytherin, hahaha! I'ma great guy, don'tcha think? Slytherin's gonna git that house cup!" Irritated, Ryu paid him the money but he feared the Slytherin pupils trying to win their races at all costs so they could rip off the other classes.

Suddenly a Ravenclaw girl by the name of Vilja called: "Oh, look at that in front of you!" Quickly the class watched the table bursting into screams of panic when Binns just floated through the board into the classroom. But Binns spoke: "Welcome to my history lesson. As you might have noticed I'm a ghost. That's because I died some years ago without even noticing it. Since my daily schedule has never changed for fifty years, I just got to a lesson on the day of my death when a pupil told me that I was a ghost. Well, that was a little anecdote from my life. Your books will appear at your places any moment now; you can read them or not, I don't care about that. You can also write down what I'm writing on the board or not, I don't care about that either."

This time Ryu was sitting next to Tacitus, and Ryu whispered to him: "That sounds even more dull and tiresome than our old school's history lessons!" Tacitus asserted: "Boah, I'm dog-tired already... I'm gonna fall asleeeeeeeeecccccchhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." And with these words Tacitus had fallen asleep. But Binns didn't seem to take notice, instead he spoke: "This subject is called 'History of Magic', and it's the history of our time-honored art that I'd like to familiarize you with. Everything started in the era of Napoleon when the first Wizengamot was founded. This event was very fateful as the four founders of Hogwarts were engaged significantly; they were Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff and Godric Gryffindor. Every one of those four mighty wizards had their vision of preserving this world's magic knowledge and passing them on to the next generation..." Binns didn't mind at all that the main proportion of pupils were falling asleep or had already done so, and Wolf whispered to his girlfriend Jyllia: "Oh my god, that's a monotonous snoring voice if I've ever heard one! I'm struggling hard to stay awake!"

The ring of the bell abruptly stopped the pupils' dreams. Nobody except Yvara had copied Binns' board writing in their booklets but Binns just bode farewell by saying "See you next lesson", then he disappeared by floating through the board. Now there was a lesson of Deviation according to the timetable, so the pupils needed to reach the castle's fifth floor to get to Professor Trelawney's classroom. This time Ryu didn't want to come in last place when racing, so he took off quickly, but Faster-Than-All-Others instantly left him behind and Elenya, a Slytherin girl, barred Ryu's way. Ryu called: "Continue running or get out of my way, girl!" But Elenya turned toward him and called: "IMPERIO!" She had put a curse on Ryu, forcing Ryu to obey to Elenya's words. Elenya instructed him: "Just stand still for the next ten minutes." Then she ran off, and after those ten minutes had passed, the curse had finally stopped working so Ryu could start running. Much to his expectation he was the last one to cross the finish line, and a Slytherin guy called H. announced: "One hundred dollars, you little failure! Ha ha ha!" Cursing silently he paid the money, now having just 50 dollars remaining.

Now Sibyll Trelawney introduced herself and explained what Deviation was all about. Then the pupils were supposed to read from tea leaves, and when Wolf was asked by Trelawney what shape he saw in his tealeaf, he answered: "A penis!" Trelawney turned red and asserted: "In your age you shouldn't have such fantasies, my boy! Look closely and tell me what you see!" But Wolf couldn't really recognize anything, and as he was staring in his cup, he finally suggested: "Now it looks like a nuclear mushroom cloud!" Surprised, Trelawney asked: "What the hell is a nuclear mushroom cloud? Well, keep trying, maybe you'll see something significant later." Then she continued to walk through the classroom trying to help the pupils when interpreting their tea leaves. When she reached Marje, a Hufflepuff girl, she described her tealeaf's shape as a grass scythe, and Trelawney fainted.

When the teacher had regained her composure, she spoke: "This cannot be. I need to take a look at that myself." She peeked into Marje's cup of tea, announcing with her eyes wide open: "Oh dear... this is terrible... Marje, you have a Grim." As Marje was looking at her confused, Trelawney noticed that Marje didn't know what it meant, so she explained: "The Grim is the mark of death! If you see a Grim it's a very ill omen because it means that Death himself will take you during the next three months! Oy vey and horror, this cannot be, the Grim Reaper may not rob the life of an innocent girl like you!" Suddenly Yvara called in: "Can it be that you see the mark of death with one of your pupils once in some months and it doesn't ever come true?" Trelawney stopped short, not expecting a first-year pupil to know something like that. Thus Yvara told her: "A sixth-year pupil named Cho told me you already saw a mark of death with Harry Potter five times and he didn't die once. Are your prophecies true at all or are you just trying to frighten all the pupils?"

But Trelawney couldn't start an explanation since Marje sobbed: "No! I don't want to die! It was so hard to get the permission for me to attend Hogwarts and now all of it is supposed to come to an end so soon? Please tell me that your prophecies aren't always correct! I really don't want to die!" Trelawney tried to comfort her but Marje just wouldn't calm down. Finally Trelawney suggested: "Oh dear, the poor girl... someone got to take her to the hospital wing to get her cardiovascular system up running again. Who will do it?" Immediately a finger was raised from the Hufflepuff block of pupils, so Trelawney spoke: "Estrella. You're responsible for your classmate now. Get her to the hospital wing. And be quick about it as my prophecies say her cardiovascular shock will become a cardiac arrest in half an hour if she doesn't receive treatment in time." Instantly Estrella got up, put unconscious Marje on a stretcher and ran out of the room with it.

Since both the pupils and Trelawney were a little shocked at the grave matters, the teacher decided to just talk about the theory of Deviation for the remaining lesson. Just before the lesson ended, Estrella came back explaining: "She's safe and sound with Madam Pomfrey now. They told me she'll get better soon." Trelawney calmed down but spoke: "She probably won't die today, but she certainly saw the mark of death. Yvara, you wanted to know a little while ago why my prophecies about Harry Potter didn't come true? This is due to the prophecies' nature itself; there is an astral prophecy about Harry Potter that is going to determine his true fate and I don't know what it said. But there are astral prophecies for a select few people only, and my methods of Deviation work with anyone else... most of the time." Now the lesson was finished, and the last one was going to be Arithmancy.

There was a race yet again, and when Ryu wanted to go past at Elenya again, he shouted: "Firebolt!" A magic bolt of flame formed from thin air, hitting Elenya and smoldering her a little. But he suddenly got noticed by Draco Malfoy, the mean Slytherin who he had ran into on their train ride, and Draco called: "You miserable little Gryffindor! You dare attack a Slytherin? You're challenged to a duel now, little coward!" Ryu countered: "Here? As in, right now? Okay, if you absolutely want to get beaten then you can have that, I can't stand you anyway." But Draco drew his wand, pointed it at Ryu and called: "Fuckyouandshutupus!" This spell caused a wave of flame to race toward Ryu, hitting him in the head, causing Ryu's head to suddenly ache very painfully and making him fall to the ground. Draco was laughing sneeringly but Ryu got up again, screaming out loud: "YOUNOTMAKECHILDRENANYMOREUS!" He had conjured a homing jet of flame that hit Draco in between his legs, and whining Draco tried to massage his nuts while stumbling away. Ryu just wanted to start running again but Draco groaned: "Thisschooliscompletegarbageandfulloffag gots!"

At first Ryu started laughing, thinking to himself: "Hahaha, that dimwit, he's not gonna mess with me again!" But suddenly he got bit in the leg, feeling intolerable pain, and when he looked down, he saw that he was assaulted by an aggressive viper. Ryu thought: "Where the hell did that critter come from?" Quickly he cast some firebolts so the snake went up in flame, but he felt his physical strength fading, so he called for help. A little later a tall boy spoke to him: "Oh, Ryu, that's not looking good. I'll take you to the hospital wing. By the way, I'm Percy, the Gryffindor prefect, and one of my tasks is to help all first-year pupils." Ryu moaned: "Thanks, Percy... damn it, this snake really scored a critical hit on me..." Then he was greeted by Nurse Pomfrey who applied an antidote to him.

Meanwhile the lesson of Arithmancy with Professor Septima Vector had begun already, and she had explained to the pupils that it was all about a mathematical analysis of the magical world's happenings. Wolf groaned: "What the hell... it's Math all over again... as if it hadn't been annoying at our old school already, calculating some nonsensical functions that you won't ever need again in real life... what's supposed to be magical about that stupid Fibonacci series?" Jyllia encouraged him by saying: "Consider yourself lucky we only have Arithmancy once per week here, we used to have math lessons thrice per week at our old school!" Tacitus added: "I don't think math is bad, I'd rather be worried that we have this Umbridge thrice per week! How are we going to stand that? If I'm not completely mistaken, she has it in for us!"

After some time Ryu came by the door at last since his snakebite wound had been healed, but Sandrina told him: "That makes fifty dollars into my purse." Ryu countered: "Huh? Why?" Sandrina explained: "Because you're the last but one, you Gryffindor drip! Gimme the money!" When Ryu wanted to object, Professor Vector spoke: "Ryu, you have to pay your debts with Sandrina!" Aghast, Ryu discharged: "WHAT? At our previous school it never worked like this! The teachers never supported the system of making a race's loser pay! You can't be serious about that!" But Vector explained: "You aren't at your previous school here, and here at Hogwarts there is the rule that the three last ones in a race must pay the winners. If you cannot pay, you're in debt and need to pay up as soon as you can." So Ryu didn't have a choice, he had to pay his remaining 50 dollars to Sandrina, and he cursed: "Damn those Slytherins, why are they always finishing on the first places? They're cheating!" He had also noticed that Faster-Than-All-Others was laughing all the time, whispering the name "Marje" now and then, and he was sure that Faster-Than-All-Others had come in first so he could demand 100 dollars from Marje.

The lesson continued for some while and Ryu had tried in vain to find a "wonderful magical symmetry" that Professor Vector had said would exist in a polynomial function. When it rang, all the pupils left the classroom one after the other when Ryu could hear a familiar voice: "Gryffindors, come to me!" Since Ryu was a Gryffindor he went there just like the other robbers, and the voice spoke: "Come with me, I'll show you your quarters and demonstrate how you can get in." But Ryu had to be kept in after school, so he ran to the voice's owner and called: "I can't come along, I have detention with Umbridge!" The prefect answered: "Oh, don't worry, my brother told me you just need to write some sentences with her. Just come back here if you're done." Ryu was surprised that he had to do something that antiquated in his detention but spoke: "Thanks, Percy. See you later." Now he got on the way to Umbridge's office.

When Ryu had arrived there, a female voice spoke: "Oh, Ryu. Do you also think our punishment is a little exaggerated?" Ryu answered: "Oh, hi Erosina. A little exaggerated, you say? Well, I think it's enormously exaggerated to get detention because of such a bagatelle!" Now the door opened, revealing Umbridge who was wearing a grass-green skirt that was too big for her as well as an unflattering triangular sky-blue hat. She spoke with a faked friendliness: "Come in, I've been waiting for you!" Ryu and Erosina entered the office noticing a lot of ugly cats on photographs, and Umbridge continued: "Miss Shol, Mister Hayabusa. Today, in my lesson, you denied the fact that Lord Voldemort did not return. Your punishment will be writing some sentences for me." She led the both of them into a room showing quills and pieces of paper, and Erosina asked: "Do we have to use our own ink?" The fake smile on Umbridge's face broadened with her explaining: "In a way, yes. But you won't be using your usual blue ink; you have red one instead. Of course that won't be true if you're noble, because as we all know, noblemen still have blue ink."

Since Ryu didn't have a title of nobility, this meant he had to use some mysterious red ink even though there was just blue ink in his inkwell, and he knew that Erosina wasn't noble either. But now he grasped the quill and wondered where the ink was supposed to come from when Umbridge announced: "You're gonna write this sentence: 'I must not tell lies.' For two hundred times." Ryu asked: "That's it? Do I get a bonus if I finish faster than Erosina?" Erosina snapped at him: "Ryu! That's impudent!" But Umbridge cleared her throat sounding annoyed, then she clarified: "No, you can be sure there will be no bonus. If one of you finishes faster than the other, the faster one will continue writing until the other one finishes as well. Now start." So Ryu started writing even though there was no ink in his quill, but when he had written the capitalized I of the sentence's beginning, he suddenly felt pain in his right forearm. When he looked there, he spotted aghast that the I had cut itself into his skin! But Umbridge admonished him: "Don't pretend to be tired, Hayabusa!"

Horrified, Ryu continued writing and saw that the sentence completely cut itself into his skin. He suspected what would happen: since Ryu had to write the sentence for two hundred times, he expected his forearm to break open sooner or later so his blood would flow out. But he wrote down the sentence again now, feeling strong pain, and he looked over to Erosina whose face was pale of horror. Then Ryu wrote the sentence for the third time and noticed that Erosina had wrote it down only once yet, so Ryu thought to himself: "Crap! I'm gonna finish much faster than her so I have to write the crap for about a hundred extra times while she's procrastinating deliberately, that crybaby!" Nevertheless Ryu had to continue because Umbridge immediately noticed him trying to take a break. After Ryu had written the sentence into his own skin for fifty times already, the inevitable happened: his sore forearms broke open, causing the red blood to drip. Meanwhile Erosina had written the sentence for sixteen times only, so Ryu complained: "Professor Umbridge, Erosina is writing very slowly on purpose so I have to write it more often! Please make her write faster!"

To his amazement she spoke: "That's right, Hayabusa. Miss Shol, please hurry up and write!" With tears in her face Erosina tried it, but due to the immense pain she wasn't even able to keep her quill straight, so she didn't make a lot of progress. Umbridge admonished Ryu: "Hayabusa, you aren't supposed to watch Miss Shol all the time! You have to go on writing too!" So Ryu continued writing, but his forearms' wounds were becoming ever worse, and he groaned: "You're causing us to die here! If we really write it for two hundred times, we're bleeding to death after one hundred and fifty times or sooner! Do you really want that to happen?" Umbridge bellowed to him: "It's PROFESSOR Umbridge, Hayabusa! And just so you know, my methods have been approved by Highest Idiot of Magic Fudge while his assistant Weasley has tested their harmlessness."

Ryu was perplexed: "Weasley? Isn't that this pupil who they say may be Gryffindor's next Quidditch captain?" But Umbridge explained: "No, not that Weasley, but his brother Percival Ignatius Weasley! He worked his way up from being secretary up to the Idiot of Magic's assistant, and he's also a prefect of Hogwarts because, unlike you, he knows that one must not tell lies!" All of a sudden Ryu felt like he was struck by lightning. He moaned: "This cannot be... I mean, he seemed to be such a nice guy... how can someone like Percy approve of something that terrible?" Umbridge answered: "Percival Weasley doesn't just seem to be nice, he actually is nice, just like me and all the other honorable co-workers of the Idiocy of Magic! And now continue writing, Hayabusa, before I blow my inhibition threshold for violence to oblivion!"

Nonetheless Ryu didn't let up. He wrote down the unspeakable sentence again but asked at the same time: "That's impossible, we can't survive this! A human body only has so much blood and if we lose too much of it, we're dead!" With her fake smile Umbridge spoke: "Yes, it's possible. At my last hearing in the Idiocy of Magic's court room I used this method on a muggle while Weasley created a medicinal report on the muggle's health condition. Over the course of two hours he didn't ever have less than ninety percent of his usual amount of blood in his body. But now he knows something that you, Hayabusa, didn't internalize yet: that you don't oppose the Idiocy of Magic! And now finally continue writing and stop talking all the time if you don't want your tongue to suddenly stop existing!"

The pain was intolerable while Ryu was still repeatedly writing the same sentence thinking: "Miserable bitch! I didn't tell any lies!" When his counter had finally reached 200, Erosina had been half-finished a minute ago. Umbridge wanted to request Ryu to continue writing but Ryu tried a pokerface, suggesting: "Professor Umbridge, please leave me alone! I swear I will tell no more lies! From now on I'll officially deny Lord Voldemort's return!" She thought for a moment, murmuring: "Hmm... maybe try some veritaserum... ah, that would be a waste, maybe I'll need it for Potter himself and his lying friends later... Okay, Hayabusa. You can rest for a while." Horrified he discharged: "What? Rest for a while? Why can't I just leave, I'm finished now!" But Umbridge explained: "Mister Hayabusa, you're not finished unless I say you're finished. Take a rest and do me a favor: Stop - talking - all - the - damn - time." Since Ryu didn't want to provoke her, he hushed up.

However, Ryu had to listen to Erosina's terrible cries of pain all the time, and he thought: "My god, she's a total crybaby!" He himself didn't even groan of pain once, much less cry or scream. This was due to the fact that Ryu was known as the Dragon Clan ninja with his friends, and this meant he was never ever allowed to show any signs of pain. However Ryu still remembered in fright that Melirija, one of the new Slytherin girls, had tortured him at his old school using the Cruciatus curse once, and Ryu had cried like a little baby at that time.

After an eternally long time Erosina was finally finished too, and Umbridge spoke: "Miss Shol, you're really very slow. Please be a little bit faster next time!" She didn't consider the fact that Erosina was crying all the time and couldn't speak but only sob. Ryu thought to himself: "Oh my God, what kind of frightening creature is she? Why did I make the mistake of not staying at my old school, allowing Moira to torture me? Her math lessons have been bad enough, she also used to randomly torture her pupils, but she certainly didn't use such terrible methods! Moving to Hogwarts was the biggest mistake of my entire life!" But Umbridge announced now: "So, since you're in your first year of school, I'll make sure that you understand my message. And my message reads: You must not tell lies and not mess with the Idiocy of Magic and its matters!"

Ryu was wondering about what could happen now when Umbridge opened a drawer, taking out an entity with very long pointy needles. Ryu asked aghast: "What the hell kind of a machine is that?" Using her faked voice that tasted like diabetes, she explained: "This, you cheeky little children, is a high-heeled lady's shoe and I'm gonna use it to torture you now." Ryu took a closer look and saw that the entity actually looked like a pumps, but the difference was that lots of razor-sharp needles protruded from the heel. He also noticed that the needles obviously were from organic material, and he spoke: "Oh dear, the poor porcupine that had to bite the dust for that..." And Erosina sobbed: "T-this ii-i-is c... cruelty to an-sob-imals!"

But Umbridge spoke with annoyed tone: "You're wrong. These are the teeth of an Acromantula arria. This species of spider possesses a venom that prevents the wounds ripped open by its teeth from ever healing completely." Aghast, Ryu thought to himself: "Oh dear! My forearm! She can't do that now, the ******** is supposed to heal someday, maybe in a few years, but it's supposed to heal at all!" However, Umbridge pulled up his trousers. Then she put the spikes at his shin and started to cut open his skin very slowly, and it was incredibly painful. From the corner of his eye Ryu saw her writing the sentence 'I must not tell lies' into his leg again, and he groaned: "Shit... and so that crap will be written there for all eternity... and she's certainly gonna do the same to Erosina, too..." But Ryu's thoughts stopped dead in their tracks since he had fainted due to the insane amount of pain.

To be continued!


End file.
